A rock at the bottom of the ocean
Unfortunately much of May ended up missing in action along with April. Another whirlwind of illness and fatigue saw me admitted to hospital twice more and eventually in the final week of May I admitted defeat and went home to my parents for an extended stay.
It wasn’t so much as admitting defeat but admitting I’d hit rock bottom really, with no idea where to turn or what to do next. Having been discharged from hospital following an asthma admission, I was baffled as to why I suddenly went down hill rapidly and lost all ability to function or cope on my own. My energy was sucked from me by an invisible force and I was left with severe joint pain and muscle pain, dizziness, dislike of bright lights. I was unable to walk to the bathroom or make myself a drink and after falling trying to go to the bathroom I spent hours sobbing to my parents (too far away to help immediately) and friends (I just didn’t know what to do) and was admitted to hospital by the out of hours GP with a severe relapse of chronic fatigue. This seemed to finalise what doctors had skirted around for months and the terms ME and CFS were used interchangeably over the next few days. I really had hit rock bottom. I was kept in hospital for a week and discharged home to my parents to recover, which is where I am now. I’ve still got a long way to go before I feel anything like my normal self and I’ve got a lot of decisions and changes to make and things to accept but I’m getting there.
What has made a significant impact on my recovery in the last few weeks has been the support and kindness from my friends and family. I really don’t know where I would be without them and it is the knowledge that I have so many lovely people around me that is encouraging me to get better even on the most painful and difficult days.
I’ve also met some wonderful people on Twitter recently. It’s amazing how snippets of 140 characters can provide so much hope, comfort and inspiration and shed light on the darkest moments. It’s such a relief to know at 3 or 4am you aren’t the ‘only person’ awake and feeling rotten.
